Tag Archive: Indonesia

Survival Bahasa

I’m trying to learn Bahasa but its going very slowly. So far I’ve got I, Thank You, Here, 1-5 and Good Night but really I’ve decided there really only three words and one phrase that’s necessary to survive in Jakarta.

Bule = whitey or cracker
Satu Lagi = One More
Tolong = Help
Tolol = Stupid

Armed with these simple phases and the international word OK you can survive even the most difficult situations in Jakarta:

If someone asks what time it is you just yell “TOLONG TOLOL!!!” the person will be so confused they’ll walk away.

If you need another beer, “Satu Lagi Bintang”

If someone asks anything you don’t understand, “Tolol Bule”.

Welcome to Jakarta.

Indonesian Stats

  • Indonesia is the 4th largest country by population (240 million) in the world behind China, India and the US
  • Indonesia has 13,000,000 internet users or 5% of the nation (by comparison the is US 208 million or 70%)
  • Indonesia has the largest population of Muslims in the world at 200 million (about 88% of total population)
  • Indonesia is the only Muslim country that is democratic
  • Indonesia about 40% of the country’s population (100 million) live on Java island which is roughly the size of Louisiana, by comparison, has a population of 4 million
  • Jakarta demographics fluctuate from 14 million to 25 million metropolitan population (from 10th to 2nd largest in the world),  depending on the study, and its relatively the same size as San Fransisco which is about 3 million

Gloduk on Chinese New Year


So Ive been in Jakarta now for 3 weeks. Heres a  summation: 

  • Stayed with Iwan for 4 days until we found an apartment, conveniently in the same building as him
  • 2 Bedroom/1 Bath, fully furnished in Jakarta Pusat (central) on the 30th floor of an apartment high-rise for $450/month
  • Chinese New Year (Gong Xi Fa Chai sounds like a Starbucks drink) 12 year olds setting off professional grade  fireworks in the parking lot below my balcony. Watching 20 of them gather around while one would light it and then scatter like rats from water was pretty entertaining

Chinese New Year Parade at a local Meda-Mall


  • Ate street food on the second week.  Iwan said we couldnt do it until we had our own bathroom
  • Took my first Ojek ride, taken for a metaphorical ride and double charged me
  • Traffic is unreal, plan to get one or two things done a day if I go out
  • 60 minute full body massage $7.50 (no, not the “happy ending” kind), gotta love 3rd world labor expense
  • Laptop computers are over priced and I cant find any used but you can buy $25,000 SQL Server 2008 Enterprise software for $5 at the mall



  • Malls are like little cities unto them selves. Grand Indonesia has 9 floors and an East and West wing
  • Im being so frugal I make my coffee in a sauce pan and my toast in a frying pan. Resisted the urge to buy a 5 dollar bottle of A1 sauce last night
  • Released Westwind website (and yes I called up 1998 and borrowed his menu bar)
  • Made my first business connection by pimping out my girlfriend at the pool
  • Internet connection is slower than a 1 legged retard in a potato sack race

Jakarta Garbage Barge

I have few morals left in my life. I recently started using a blackberry, im dating a girl thats 10 years younger than me  and I have poor personal hygiene.  The morals I do have are mostly in place to help me satisfy or justify some selfish tendency. Im much like a grown up baby except i manage to poop and pee in a toilet instead of my pants (except for that one time on a flight from Frankfurt to Orlando but thats a completely different story).

And so it comes to this. My first blog. While I am extraordinarily late to just about every trend Ive participated in, I do like to be educated if not cutting edge and so I did a little research on the history of blogging that Id like to share with you:

40,000 BC: First blogger Thumbs4Ever creates first post on cave wall, friend exclaims “Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!”

30 AD: Jesus posts “Really looking forward to diner tonight with the guys, totally gunna get hammered”

1138 AD: Merlin posts code snippet for an invisibility spell entitled “Sorcery Monkey Tricks”

1815: The first flame, blogger Wellingtons1337 to VivaLaEmperor “Blew Buonaparte a part, owned!”

1935: First flog created called “Mien Komputer Isht Pure”

So now its my turn to act like I have something interesting to say. I would bet this is the first blog to ever have Hitler, Jesus, Merlin and Napoleon all in the tags though. Feel free to comment of cross-blog or whatever.