Tag Archive: WTF

My very own pigmy tribe

So I was doing my budgeting today for the next 6 months.  Ive expended the money I had saved for living work free about 2 months early and had to decide if its worth the investment (and risk) to stay.  I decided it was and Ive now delved into my emergency stash, which leaves me very anxious.  Its basically the money I had to keep me going if I had to go back to the states without a job (read: Ill be sleeping on your couch if things dont work out). So according to my budget I needed $8000 more to get by over the next 6 months.  That includes visas, a new apartment (you have to pay all 6 months in advance),  internet, etc.

Ive been working with several companies over the past 3 months and giving a lot of free advice, conference calls and in some cases, free days weeks of work, under the premise that good faith leads to contracts.  After 3 months however I was starting to think I was just a sucker. Today I signed a deal for 3 months of work at a nice hourly rate. Ive been closing consulting contracts for the past 5 years but its amazing how much more exciting it is when you have no steady income.

My budget is now greatly expanded and in my typical fashion I had to find somewhere for all this money to go (savings does what?). Im going to buy a pigmy tribe. 

Yup, my very own pigmy tribe. The thought of this has consumed my day but I think I got it all figured out:

  1. I need a decent sized one but not so many that they cant fit in my apartment.  I mean they are pigmy but still, one must be reasonable right? I figure if they sleep head to toe I can fit 3 rows of 5 pigmy per row in the guest room, round it up to an even 20.  They can rotate two per night to stand guard outside my apartment door (just to wierd-out the neighbors).
  2. Ill just have them stand around my apartment, use one for a foot rest, one for a cup holder and the two most muscular can just stand at my side where ever I go looking pseudo-intimidating (how scary can you be at 3 feet?).
  3. Ill give them all cute nicknames like “Lippie” for the guy with a lip plate or “Saggy Tits” for the oldest woman. 
  4. Ill forbid any of them to learn English so I can have very heated arguments with them and have no idea what we are talking about.
  5. Ill get a cardboard box (probably from a pigmy mini-fridge) and call it the Timeout-Box.  Whenever they break the rules (which will be posted on the Timeout-Box in English) they will have to spend 30 minutes there. Just to keep them on their toes Ill send one of them there for no reason at all every once in a while.
  6. Also to keep them on their toes Ill put the food on the top shelf in the kitchen (get it, cause theyre pigmy…….short…..on thier toes….gaaaah do I have to explain all my jokes to you guys?).
  7. At night we can have a small bonfire (a pigmy bonfire)  in the living room and tell pigmy short stories, which undoubtedly I wont understand but Ill laugh and cry with them anyway because they will be amazing story tellers.
  8. Ill send them to the grocery store with no money, just spears and face paint. They can stalk the Butter Ball turkeys and hide in the lettuce rack throwing spears at the live fish.
  9. Finally, every night I will put them to sleep by playing The Greatest Adventure to them (click on the damn link!!! Theyre here for a good reason).

Discover confusion

So Iwan showed me this great site for stock photos and was searching for images for my presentation template (im sure everyone else has known about this since the late 90s, but like I said Im late to every trend). 

< sarcasm>Using the amazingly original and creative motto of Westwind Indonesia, Discover. Define. Deliver. </sarcasm>,  I was searching for images to use and came across this gem for “Discover”.  I was particularly confused by the keywords associated to it:

  • adventure
  • destination
  • fun
  • vacation

Some keywords Id like to associate to it:

  • trapped
  • neglect 
  • push
  • WTF